Mercurial Me

April 29, 2006

It’s been a strange week. A long 7 days. The most striking thing is the way my mood has been going up and down. This has been reflected in events, although not tied to them. I’m writing about this to try and make sense of it.

I’m normally quite stable of mind. If I’m happy I tend to be happy until something bursts my bubble, and if I’m down (usually because I’ve been ground down) I mope around for a few days until I can drag myself out of it. I spend most of the time somewhere in-between. Sure, I can switch from geek to freak in the blink of an eye, but that’s just me.

This last week though my mood has been been going up like a rocket. All hyper and gregarious one minute only to crash down to earth the next.

Seven days ago I was recovering from a big night out (up) and a battered PowerBook (down). The next day I would make an impromptu trip to London (up and down), getting home soon after midnight. Put together, all that resulted in a three day epic weekend that left me quite drained. I’m old, this stuff takes it out on me now.

Then came some bad news from a friend, followed by some good news from another friend, more bad news from some other friends and good news about Audrey. Today, more bad news and good news in equal measure. Lots of other personal things going on besides.

On the work front I’ve been finishing off my last chores before launching into another long development effort, and (thanks to the slightest of nudges from Andy) I’ve decided to learn Ruby on Rails to redo the interactive and backend parts of my website. Better than PHP, which I loathe.

Still trying to work out a long-term plan. I just can’t seem to think beyond my shitty tasks and that KIT update right now. Maybe that’s enough. It’s been over 6 weeks since I released Feeder 1.3 but I’m still recovering from that 5 month marathon (and the marathons before that). There are also too many unknowns right now.

This week, I saw a friend that I hadn’t seen in a while, told her I worked for myself now. She was so pleased for me, saw it as the best thing ever. True, there are lots of downsides to working for someone else and many upsides to working for yourself. However, when by yourself it’s hard to do any freewheeling (or even just non-work stuff) without feeling guilty, or seeing things piling up (e.g. support work) and worrying about silly stuff like money.

Still, it’s good to have something to aim for in life! In my case, a whole week off.


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